Currently Believing God By Beth Moore see related

Honestly......

Honestly...  Seriously! ... and Truthfully...

I am in pain. Physically/emotionally. I grieve.
Physically for over two months, pain from a clenched jaw- miofacial pain- face muscle pain- due to clenching my jaw- due to stress-

Lets face it stress is not good for us.

Emotionally, I've been hurting. I've been struggling, wrestling with my God. (my Father)- because I am human.

                                                  I want answers-
                                                  I want understanding-
                                                  I do. But, I don't-
                                            I really don't.

Nothing can be undone-
All I'm allowed to do is grieve and move on- Get over it - Get through it - Get under it- Whatever-- However?

I sound like I'm rambling. I sound like I'm falling apart?
But, REALLY
      -I've come a long way-

Not only all of this madness of learning how to deal with my own "plate".
But, watching those I love mostest  around me - struggling- cowering-
      making decisions, I don't understand and cannot give my opinion on or should I?

Why do I wrestle with a sovereign God
Why do I kick my feet and squirm like a child
Why do I ask WHY?

I use to encourage. I use to want to inspire. I use to desire so much more.... want so much more..

I'm still trying to rise above my  trauma, the drama of this life-

Right now I'm still a sparrow, who still wishes to be an eagle...
But, does nothing to try...
This pain has drained me-
I just want to be healed.

And so I cry when I must, I vent when I must, I rest when I must,
And by the grace of God I persevere... and at some point I will no longer wrestle
One day at a time....

My father is still molding me
He holds me
He restores me

-helmschick

Next week I turn 30

Next week I turn 30. For about a year I was psyched about it. Then there was a big glitch in my plan.

This year by far has been one of the toughest and most painful. For a few months the enemy tried his hardest to incapacitate me. Pain of any kind is difficult. It can knock the wind out of you and most times it has you begging for mercy. However, life is getting better. I take it one day at a time.

Right now, "figuratively" I walk with a limp. Somedays I feel it more than others, but I am still perservering. God is going to heal this hurt. He is healing it. The silence was almost deafening last night, but today is so completely different.

I'm letting go of my plans for turning 30 and whatever I thought might make it THE pivotal moment.(even though it may still prove to be so/ just different from what i expected). I'm letting go of all of the life I thought I'd have sorted out, behind me, or healed from. It's all in God's hands.

-helmschick

I want to be an Eagle
but I feel like a Sparrow
Sparrows are still beautiful
but Eagles are stronger

I'm not sophisticated
I don't know that I'd want to be
I'm a simple girl
Divinely loved
It's part of what I have going for me
It's what makes me shine

He is my hope
And one day
I might be an Eagle
As I grow
As I wait
As I trust in Him.

helmschick --out

Live Your Life on Purpose

Everyday live your life on purpose. This is your chance. Take nothing for granted!!

The Storms of Life

I edited this, tweaked it, in case you read it once already.

Clearing My Thoughts

Contrary to what some may say
I actually have my days,
Where I am quiet.
I call it time to listen,
Time to make observations.
(Listening and learning go hand in hand)

While I took my bubble bath
And detox/decompress for the day
I prayed that God would clear a path
Through the haze
Of distraction,
Imprisoned thumping thoughts
Anxious and overwhelmed
They had me quite distraught

I'm so thankful for His answer
I'm so grateful for His illustrations
And undeniable motivations
I'm astounded by His love and constant embrace
And without further ado this is what i have to say
This is what was clear as day

(Maybe i should rename this There will be Bubble Bath....)

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"I'd better change my wandering ways,
I know I've seen my better days,
Always getting high when I get low.
 Well, I left my soul out in the rain,
  Lord, what a price I've had to pay.
The storms of life are washin' me away.
Yeah, the storms of life are washin' me away."      --Randy Travis, Storms of Life

Song Lyrics? Yes, that's right song lyrics clear as day. I love this song. My disclaimer is this, I'm not positive what it meant to Randy, but I can tell you, what it speaks to me.

Stay close to God. Stay in His presence. Seek His word.

This is the first official "dry spell" I've had in three and a half years and I know exactly why. My focus was off. My thoughts unruly and at times down right negative. Then, the big one, not enough truth going in.

As I live and learn, I know first hand NOTHING will fill the void except, CHRIST.

Now, the words, "left my soul out in the rain, Lord what a price I've had to pay." First off with sin comes consequence. Second, well i've done more harm to myself at times and on top of that, we can be our worse critic. The one beautiful thing about all the mistakes i have made is this, God taught me something. He shaped me, molded me, nothing has been a waste.

Somedays and in some circumstances, I do feel like the "storms of life" are washing me away. But, in the end I know the truth.

The "storms of life" are teaching me, shaping me, and preparing me for what is to come.

In the words of my Savior, "Peace be Still."

helmschick --out